When I was 16 years old, I dropped out of high school. I hesitate every time I share this, worried that people will immediately assume I was just lazy, lacked intelligence, or was some kind of delinquent. For years, even I questioned if I just wasn’t a strong enough or smart enough person. The truth is though, I didn’t fail the system. I was a kid, dealing with health issues, in a system that failed me.
Celebrating my 16th birthday with a cake my mom decorated of the Potter B&B from Dawson’s Creek.
The Story Behind Why I Dropped Out of High School
Starting from elementary school in Colorado’s Cherry Creek School District, I had an unfortunate tendency to get every illness that came through the school halls. Regardless of my dad being a doctor, my mom would always take me to the pediatrician and get doctor’s notes. Even with those notes though, the school was furious with my parents.
One day in elementary school, my parents were called in for a meeting. The principal informed them that instead of taking me took my pediatrician, or trusting my father’s own judgement as a doctor, I would need to visit the school’s nurse instead every time I felt unwell.
Playing the violin while I was in elementary school
Mistreatment By Teachers in Middle School
The Teacher Who Refused to Help
When I was in 6th grade, I missed quite a bit of school. I had piles of makeup assignments over flowing my notebook that I was constantly trying to catch up on. Determined though, I went in during recess to talk to my science teacher and get help. Instead of helping me, she berated me. She told me I was lazy, I was truant, and I didn’t deserve help. I ran out crying, and frankly, I was hesitant to ever ask another teacher for help after that.
The Teacher Who Wrote Me Off
By 8th grade, I was out sick so much, I couldn’t keep up no matter how hard I tried. One day, my history teacher asked me to come in during recess so he could explain a project I missed.
When I went in, he instead spent the entire time telling me that I would never amount to anything and my entire life would be a failure because I was sick so much. He then gave me a piece of paper with details for my assignment just as the bell rang. I stayed up until 1am working on it and when I turned it in, he took one look, scoffed, and gave me a failing grade. I later found out he had purposely given me a false instruction sheet, leaving out the majority of what was required for the assignment.
Teachers that said I’d amount to nothing Idols that broke Every single last gleam
Because I was falling so far behind in my classes, my parents told me I should stop focusing on my advanced placement math class: I could retake it in 9th grade after all. They reached out to the teacher and she agreed to let me take an incomplete for the year, and use my class time to work on my many other makeup assignments. This teacher then turned around and told the principal that I wasn’t doing my work.
The school sent a letter addressed to me, alerting me that I would be taken away from my parents if I continued my truant behavior. I was traumatized. My parents printed out every conversation they had with this teacher over email, took it to the principal, and showed the agreement. Luckily, the principal dropped his threats and agreed to let me drop my math class.
The Final Straw When I Dropped Out of High School
10th grade was when everything came crashing down. Over the summer, I discovered on a family trip I was severely allergic to ponderosa pine. We’re talking full body rash, dizziness, and an intense feeling like I could barely breathe. During science class, we went into the school’s plant atrium. While there, I stood under this tree without realizing and had a full blown reaction. My teacher witnessed my reaction. I went to the nurse and ended up suffering from the effects for a couple of weeks. When I returned to school, my teacher told me I had missed a test.
Visiting Mount Rushmore in 2007 with my family
No problem, I was more than happy to make it up. She led me into a closet, with each of the plants on the shelves, including the one I was allergic to, and told me I had to identify them all. I asked her to remove that one plant but she refused. She then told me I wasn’t allowed to leave the closet until I finished and shut the door. Needless to say, I had another horrible reaction and missed another two weeks of school.
During this time, I continued to work on all of my makeup assignments and turned them in before the deadline. When I received my grades, I was devastated. I had a D and just assumed I was too stupid to do any better. We soon found out though that my teacher had locked my grade and refused to count my makeup assignments.
By this point, I felt as frozen as the D on my report card. My mental health was at an all time low and my confidence was obliterated. With my parent’s support, they let me drop out of school, knowing my mental well being was more important. Honestly, these were only a handful of the experiences I had that led to this decision.
And I got in my head With the words that they said And the things that I fear Are the ghosts as they sneer Telling me I never can Chanting that I never will Be anything
When relatives learned I dropped out of high school, they judged me instantly for it. A high school drop out? Obviously there had to be something wrong with me in their eyes. I even got to read all about their feelings in my Grandpa’s journal that he told the whole family to read after he died. I lived for years feeling ashamed of the fact I was a high school drop out.
My experiences destroyed my confidence for a long time and I truly believed that I just wasn’t smart or hard working enough.
Life Beyond Being a High School Drop Out
I sometimes wonder how different my life would’ve been had I been healthy and stayed in school. But then I look at my wonderful husband and two kids and think, no. This is exactly how my life was supposed to be. The fact is, there are millions of moments in our life that shape us. It doesn’t make any of them wrong. It just makes us who we are. It leads to who we’ll become.
The day I met my husband, Gwith, for the first time in Auckland
If I hadn’t dropped out, I would’ve been away in college instead of traveling to New Zealand with my family in 2009. I never would’ve met my husband in Auckland at the hotel’s restaurant. That day changed my life forever.
“Left school at 16 some say I was so wrong but all of this journey I wouldn’t have couldn’t have the life I’ve known”
What I do wish though is that I didn’t spend so many years believing I wasn’t good enough to succeed. When I look back though, I realize: On paper, sure. I dropped out of high school at 16. But the truth is, I didn’t drop out. I survived. I persevered.
Trying and being true to yourself is all the success you need. If you made it through some challenge, pat yourself on the back. It may have sucked. You may even had to have walked away. That doesn’t make you weak though. It makes you strong. Never forget that. Your journey is your greatest success.
The Full Story
I shared the full story behind why I dropped out of high school at 16, in even further detail, on my blog years ago. You can read it here. Listen to the songs inspired by my journey on my upcoming album, Not Something Adults Should Say. My songs The Family Archive and Cellophane specifically touch upon this period of my life and its effects on me.
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